This afternoon I grabbed a composition book off the coffee table. When I sat down I found that it was the graph paper one in which I sketch my ideas for a new kitchen. As I started to write anyway {because the idea struck}, I found myself thinking on these lines.
The squares on the page march on across. Stick straight. Up, down. Right, left. They cover the page. They remind me of cookie-cutter people; each one predictable within the confines of the lines. The ones who fit in with society’s expectations, the ones who look like and behave like everyone else. I don’t fit. I never could color inside the lines.
I stick out like a sore thumb.
Well, ok, not really- I conform on the outside, to my chagrin. I wear acceptable clothes and my hair is its own color. But, I am not a cookie cutter – on the inside. If I did not care whether I stood out or not, I’d be wearing steam punk black and red; and my hair would be stark black with a black cherry rinse on it. {Why, yes, yes I have thought about what it would mean to take personal external expression to the extreme and embarrass my grandchildren at the same time.} What people do not see on casual observation or quick glance is the me that I am. The invisible me.
Truth is, I want to be loud, outrageous and draw attention all right- to The One who lives within. Not to myself; but to Him, THE ONE. The Author, Creator, The One who holds it all together by a Word. Who takes me as I am. Because I took Him at His Word; because He is The Word.
I am a broken vessel, a cracked pot. I am one whose contents dribble out of those cracks. I am one whose cracks reveal Him and what He has done for me on The Cross. You see, I carry around The Living Water and though I may not stand out, it’s not because I don’t want to, it’s because I want Him to be seen. Not me.
I am what He designed me to be and it’s just fine with me that I look like one of the crowd on first glance; but He knows better. I am His and I am loved. He calls me by my name.
The one who enters by the gate is the shepherd of the sheep. The gatekeeper opens the gate for him, and the sheep listen to his voice. He calls his own sheep by name and leads them out. John 10:2-3
I have been crucified with Christ and I no longer live, but Christ lives in me. The life I now live in the body, I live by faith in the Son of God, who loved me and gave himself for me. Galatians 2:20
But we have this treasure in jars of clay to show that this all-surpassing power is from God and not from us. We are hard pressed on every side, but not crushed; perplexed, but not in despair; persecuted, but not abandoned; struck down, but not destroyed. We always carry around in our body the death of Jesus, so that the life of Jesus may also be revealed in our body. For we who are alive are always being given over to death for Jesus’ sake, so that his life may also be revealed in our mortal body. 2 Corinthians 4:7-11