{"id":444,"date":"2013-08-19T19:10:31","date_gmt":"2013-08-20T00:10:31","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/wordsfromthehomefront.com\/?p=444"},"modified":"2016-11-02T19:12:11","modified_gmt":"2016-11-03T00:12:11","slug":"restless","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/wordsfromthehomefront.com\/index.php\/2013\/08\/19\/restless\/","title":{"rendered":"Restless"},"content":{"rendered":"

Restless<\/span><\/p>\n

Yes, that is what I am.<\/span><\/p>\n

I\u2019m looking for You.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

Yes, You.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

The God Whose face I dream to dare to touch. Whose eyes look into mine, looking deep into the depths of me and Who alone knows me for who I am.<\/span><\/p>\n

Like the writers in the Psalms- I search, I wait, I have sleepless nights, I feel despair, I feel elation, I feel justification, I feel abandonment. I want peace, I want vengeance, I want justice, I want righteousness, I want to prosper, I want to win, I want You to defend me, I want joy, I want rest, I want to be in Your presence.<\/span><\/p>\n

I want You.<\/span><\/p>\n

Sometimes, You are close, God. \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0\u00a0And then, You\u2019re not.<\/span><\/p>\n

Sometimes I know You are here.<\/span><\/p>\n

Sometimes I hear You speak.<\/span><\/p>\n

Sometimes I hear You respond to me.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

Yet, You don\u2019t even have to give me a twinkle of a thought.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

That scares me.<\/span><\/p>\n

A little.<\/span><\/p>\n

A lot.<\/span><\/p>\n

Yet, Lord, I still want more of You. I hunger for Your Word.<\/span><\/p>\n

Your Word\u2013<\/span><\/p>\n

Sometimes it crushes me.<\/span><\/p>\n

Sometimes it breaks me.<\/span><\/p>\n

Sometimes it molds me.<\/span><\/p>\n

Sometimes I am held in the cleft of the rock by it.<\/span><\/p>\n

Sometimes the right word at the right time makes me come alive.<\/span><\/p>\n

I wish I was more- a better mother, a better grandmother, a better wife, a better me.<\/span><\/p>\n

One that doesn\u2019t trip from guilt to guilt over what I have or haven\u2019t done.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

One that wishes she was understood.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

One that wishes she understood.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

But, the want-to and the doing are so far apart in reality.\u00a0 How can I ever be who I am in You and be content?\u00a0 How can I stand up and say I\u2019ve run the race, I\u2019ve completed the course, I\u2019ve persevered and pressed on and endured for You when I don\u2019t even know what I don\u2019t know?<\/span><\/p>\n

This sounds so\u2026 so – like I\u2019m rambling or ranting as one on the brink of insanity. And maybe I am.<\/span><\/p>\n

Maybe we all are?\u00a0 All of us who follow a Carpenter who left all for nothing and got a mountain of rejection and a nightmare taste of hell just so we could become His siblings and call You Abba and live forever in Your presence.<\/span><\/p>\n

\u00a0\u00a0<\/span>\u201cThe God who made the world and everything in it\u00a0is the Lord of heaven and earth\u00a0and does not live in temples built by human hands.\u00a0<\/span><\/strong><\/em><\/span>And he is not served by human hands, as if he needed anything. Rather, he himself gives everyone life and breath and everything else.\u00a0<\/span>From one man he made all the nations, that they should inhabit the whole earth; and he marked out their appointed times in history and the boundaries of their lands.\u00a0<\/span>God did this so that they would seek him and perhaps reach out for him and find him, though he is not far from any one of us.<\/span>\u00a0<\/span>\u2018For in him we live and move and have our being.\u2019<\/span>\u00a0” Acts 17:24-28<\/span><\/strong><\/em><\/span><\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Restless Yes, that is what I am. I\u2019m looking for You.\u00a0 Yes, You.\u00a0 The God Whose face I dream to dare to touch. Whose eyes look into mine, looking deep into the depths of me and Who alone knows me for who I am. Like the writers in the Psalms- I search, I wait, I … Read more<\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[3],"tags":[9,169,168,170,88,27],"class_list":["post-444","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-blog","tag-faith","tag-follower-of-christ","tag-restless","tag-restless-by-switchfoot","tag-the-word","tag-trust"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/wordsfromthehomefront.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/444","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/wordsfromthehomefront.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/wordsfromthehomefront.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wordsfromthehomefront.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wordsfromthehomefront.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=444"}],"version-history":[{"count":1,"href":"https:\/\/wordsfromthehomefront.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/444\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":445,"href":"https:\/\/wordsfromthehomefront.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/444\/revisions\/445"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/wordsfromthehomefront.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=444"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wordsfromthehomefront.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=444"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wordsfromthehomefront.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=444"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}