The Battle Within


Battlefields.

The lines are drawn. The soldiers are engaged. The populace is watching. Waiting. Waiting for what? A winner? A loser?

Does it feel like this in your heart? Are you watching, waiting, wondering who will win this time? Can you make it through another battle? What or who is pulling at your heart? Who wants to claim it as their territory? Do you even realize a battle is raging?

The way I see it, there can be only one winner. 

As a believer I’ve struggled so much within to maintain control without. I think I’ve allowed myself to be deceived by thinking what I want is what God wants. After all, I read the Bible, I pray, I study with others regularly, I do my best to walk the walk.

But if the devil can claim victory in the small things-every day things, our resolve in the really big things can be worn down. We compromise and don’t even realize it- our filters are out of focus.

To have the filters in focus 100% of the time I must be surrendered to God’s control 100% of the time. That does not require self-assurance of my own ability to see and know how to choose. It does require total dependence on the Holy Spirit. 

Because all things have consequence and are significant.

God made this world whole and complete to provide all we need. He guarantees it in His word:

“God saw all that he had made, and it was very good.” Genesis 1:31

“By the seventh day God had finished the work he had been doing; so on the seventh day he rested from all his work. Then God blessed the seventh day and made it holy, because on it he rested from all the work of creating that he had done.” Genesis 2:2-3

“So do not worry, saying, ‘What shall we eat?’ or ‘What shall we drink?’ or ‘What shall we wear?’ For the pagans run after all these things, and your heavenly Father knows that you need them.” Matthew 6:31-32

But in my own bull in a china closet mentality I continue to struggle with doing it my way; even when I know it hurts another’s feelings. Of course, once the damage is done, I stop. And realize – I’ve done it again!

 

Exactly what I wrote about not doing just 10 minutes ago. Where are MY filters? In the heat of the moment, in the heat of the battle of will, my ears are closed to the Holy Spirit. But as soon as it’s over, I’m cut to the quick with regret and repentence. And back I go to the Throne asking forgiveness for hammering in that nail:

Knowing I provoked something, that really, I shouldn’t.  

Knowing that I’ve injured another’s heart.

Knowing that I will ask their forgiveness as well.

Knowing that just because my insecurities about not having my way and wanting my opinion respected are boiling up inside doesn’t mean I let them out to wreak havoc.

Knowing that I’ve turned a deaf ear, even when He is saying don’t go there.

Knowing that I’ve been disobedient and have not only caused pain for another person I’ve wounded the very One who died to cover the sin I just committed. 

Knowing I’ve truly missed the mark. Again.

Because it really isn’t all about me. Surrender to self is not an option. It’s about winning the battle to let go of me to become me in HIm. 

The battle is raging-put your armor on. 

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