Am I old yet?

Those moments- just before morning. The quiet is a balm to my sore brain. The birds waking up sing of the promise of a new day. As my body ages, I resist. My mind does not want to be up and around, yet the physical aches that are arriving as I get older say: move around, you must get, up you are stiff.

So I arise reluctantly. And am greeted by sweet young faces at the door. Faces full of joy and hope for the new day; excited to be here.  May my words be as honey to their ears, may they see you in me. May they desire to see what I can show them today. Give me courage to be who I need to be for them. And maybe write, a little? Please, Lord?

Writing is a definite challenge when there’s a six year old and a six month old in the house. The one needs lots of individual attention, the other must have a lot of individual attention. And I’m the one who’s been tasked with delivering the attention. Lord help me.

I have never before felt old. I’ve joked about it, wrote about it, watched others act old. Now, it’s my turn. There’s a few choice words in my head and I’m fighting to keep them from getting out. 

 My grandmother/mother constantly had a litany she would repeat over and over, as if by saying it, it would serve as an excuse for her rotten behavior or her latest accusation. Her time on earth lasted 96 years, but she started saying this in her 50’s (oh gag me with a spoon that’s where I am now ~) Everyone in the family can recite her catch phrase: “It’s H*** getting old, you just remember that (insert name), It’s just H*** getting old.”

 I don’t agree with her assessment. However, I am beginning to understand that there are going to be some things that I’m progressively not going to be able to accomplish eventually. That can be frightening if I let it. But, I won’t.  You see, I have a constant companion; my Lord will take each step with me. He will direct my path. 

One thing that I can tell you – you know those cute little faces I talked about earlier? Well, by the end of the day I know what Moses felt like and why he needed Aaron and Hur to hold his arms up til the end of the day; and thus the battle was won for the Israelites. I do feel like it’s a battle some days.  A battle against myself and my creaky old bones.  But the Lord, will fight my battles for me when I can’t go on. Oh Lord, you are my rock and defender, my strong tower, my refuge and a very present help in time of trouble. No Fear. Ever. Period.

God is our refuge and strength, an ever-present help in trouble. Therefore we will not fear, though the earth give way and the mountains fall into the heart of the sea, though its waters roar and foam and the mountains quake with their surging. 

There is a river whose streams make glad the city of God, the holy place where the Most High dwells. God is within her, she will not fall; God will help her at break of day. Nations are in uproar, kingdoms fall; he lifts his voice, the earth melts. Psalm 46:1-6

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